


I'm In My Bed But You're Not Here

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Series: The Girl Started Dying, It's Fine [4]
Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Break Up, Depression, Desperation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Heart-to-Heart, Heartache, Heartbeats, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, Hope, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, Misery, Post-Break Up, References to Depression, Sad, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:02:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25745554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: After Miyeon leaves her to marry someone else, Yuqi thinks about killing herself
Relationships: Cho Miyeon/Jeon Soyeon, Cho Miyeon/Song Yuqi
Series: The Girl Started Dying, It's Fine [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844320
Kudos: 13





	I'm In My Bed But You're Not Here

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from a line in the song Falling by Harry Styles; to really understand what this is all about, read the notes on the first work of this series, Hold Me

Soyeon and Yuqi sat on the cedar wood staircase to the back entrance of Yuqi's house, talking.

Yuqi had been miserable ever since her long-term girlriend, Miyeon, had left her to suddenly marry a British vineyard heir. Miyeon had been cheating for the best part of eighteen months, and, Yuqi had never noticed. To Yuqi, there had never been a change in Miyeon's love, her attention, her touch, her lips, her sex, her presence.

All of this just made Yuqi want to die.

"I don't want you to go." Soyeon whispered, holding Yuqi's hands in her own in her lap, Yuqi's body leaning into her side with Yuqi's head on her shoulder. Soyeon leant her head against Yuqi's on her shoulder, and, breathed in the scent of Yuqi's shampoo and perfume and the hand-cream she used. Soyeon smiled softly. Women all smelt different; so many different little things. "I don't want you to leave just because Miyeon did."

Yuqi sniffed, tears leaking out of her eyes and down her cheeks. She smiled a little bit. "You look so cute." She chuckled softly, looking at Soyeon's outfit of bright yellow skinny jeans, black ballet flats, and a white t-shirt with the cover of a BIRDY album printed on the front. 

"Careful there with your lezzie germs, I haven't got a bra on." Soyeon affectionately commented, kissing the top of Yuqi's head.

Both of the young women laughed softly.

"Do you actually want to die?" Soyeon dared ask Yuqi. She couldn't let this drop. She couldn't let Yuqi stew away in this until, one tragic day, she dared do it. Dared to go. Soyeon just couldn't let it happen when she could see the hell - the helpless hell - un-folding before her eyes unless something was done.

"There's nothing left for me down here." Yuqi whispered, eyes looking to the floor at the bottom of the cedar staircase, but, in full honesty, not really seeing anything at all. Not really noticing anything at all.

"What about me?" Soyeon quipped. "Aren't I enough?"

Yuqi knew the answer would break Soyeon's heart, and, she hesitated on saying it. But, the single world was like a growing tornado in-between her ribs, pushing and pulling at her, getting greater, until she just had to say it. "No." Yuqi whispered, more tears coming down from her eyes.

Soyeon squeezed her hands tighter in her lap.

"Why can't you just let me die?" Yuqi murmured.

"I don't want you to die." Soyeon answered automatically, concretely.

"It's not about what you want." Yuqi pulled away and ducked her head down, wiping her swollen, reddening eyes on the heels of her palms.

"It fucking well is, you bitch." Soyeon snapped.

Yuqi stared at Soyeon in shock.

"You are not fucking dying because that cunt of a woman left you and married some pommy fag for what would just be his money." Soyeon put down, her voice now a growl, nasty and crisp and pointedly. "Me and the rest of us - Shuhua, Minnie, Soojin - absolutely love you and it would fucking ruin our lives if you were to end yours, but, your life doesn't stop, it stays with us for the rest of our time, you stupid bitch, do you understand?"

Yuqi went to pull her hands and body away fully from Soyeon, but, Soyeon kept a fast grip on her.

"You are not dying. You are not doing anything stupid like that." Soyeon told her gruffly.

As they struggled, Yuqi managed to stand up, but, Soyeon knocked her back down to the ground.

As Yuqi sank down onto her knees, she burst into tears, properly crying. She was half against Soyeon's chest, half not.

Soyeon sank down onto the floor beside her, and, hugged Yuqi too.

"You don't us to stop loving you, forget you, pretend you never existed." Soyeon's mouth creased into a grieving, crooked line, and she stroked some of Yuqi's hair behind her ear and kissed her head again. "You mean too much for all of this."

Later, when Soyeon had gone, Yuqi lay naked in the bed she had shared for three years with Miyeon, and, observed the bedroom ceiling above her, above what had been them.

Doves were painted in thick black paint - just like a graphite sketch on paper, not proper paintings, all lines - across little sections of the ceilings with swallows. A peacock sat by the skirting board on the wall on Miyeon's side of the bedroom, across from her side of the bed.

Yuqi had painted the birds half sitting on Miyeon's shoulders, half free standing on a couple of books.

Yuqi smiled, remembering the sweet and merry chaos of that day, only a few days into Summer.

How lovely things had been.

Now, she just had to live with that moment.

She was in her bed, and, Miyeon wasn't there.

She still loved someone who had left her.

Yuqi got a second pillow from the other side of the bed - Miyeon's side of the bed - and hugged it to her body, imaginging it was Miyeon. The physical presence of the smell of Miyeon's perfume still lingering on the pillow made a wail of grief echo inside of Yuqi's body.

In the distance, the call of a nightbird electrified the night as the stars shone and tears leaked out of Yuqi's eyes.


End file.
